03/08/25 Dream: This dream started at first with me and my family in a truck stop to buy supplies, I think We were stopping on the middle of a road trip to Montana or Oregon, but I cannot be exactly sure. All I know is that I was in charge of buying the food and drinks with my little sister and a few friends in tow, as we approached the register and everyone begged for delicious fresh food near the checkout aisle, such as delicious rotisserie chicken, deep fried meatballs, pre-made subs, colorful Caesar salads, etc. I tried to say yes to as many requests as were reasonable, and grant compromise to my family by buying it for them, but every time that I would say yes to a single item for the whole family, three more people in my family would then start to cry and beg for more items. I tried to be polite and cordial about it, and play the Toriel of the group, but eventually, I just snapped at them, yelling “EVERYBODY CAN IT, OR WE ARE BUYING NOTHING BUT CANNED FOOD! I’m responsible for budgeting on this trip, and while I don’t mind buying fresh chicken to share with Bella or Michael, whom I know and care about dearly, I WILL NOT be entitled to buying fresh food for the rest of you jerks that I barely know. So either Y’ALL ACT NICE and respect me as a superior family member, or NOBODY is getting anything extra AT ALL from me, because I’m the young and spry matriarch of this group, and none of you ever will be.” With that, everybody finally shut up and behaved, as I went to the counter and bought my cart full of delicious canned food, as well as the rotisserie chicken for me and my little sister, and the Caesar Salad + Chicken Nuggets for my partner. I also decided to buy some alcohol and cigarettes for myself, along with a delicious candy bar, as a bit of a “leader tax” for having to deal with the responsibility of organizing a road trip. The cashier then asked for payment, which I eagerly provided to him in the form of a credit card, as I sat there tapping my foot, nicotine deprived and hungry. As I stood there, I heard my family say mean things about me in hushed whispers like “wow… what a bitch,” “I knew her malebrain would shine through eventually,” “‘fit to be a mother’ my ass,” “is it a full moon again?,” “who put this harpy in charge of the money?,” or “I miss when she was submissive and depressed, that way she wouldn’t boss us around like this.” Needless to say, This started to make me quite pissed off, so I grabbed my little sister’s hand and gently pulled a couple times, asking her “hey Bella, you wanna go shop for a board game with me?” “Sure, I’m down,” she replied back to me happily as she began to leave the aisle excitedly, still holding my hand. Now being dragged along by her and unable to stand still, I quickly snatched my change from the cashier, letting out a hasty “thank you…” as I began follow my sister as we pushed the cart out the door. At this point, the dream had a gap in its memory. The next thing I knew, we were all at the board game store. As we were deciding, My sister wanted to pick out this dumb exploding kittens-esque novelty card game that nobody else was interested in, so I merely just gave her $30 to buy it, as me and the rest of the family looked at board games. My sister then ran off to buy her game, as me and my older brother then found this awesome biblical-era strategy game with Fire Emblem or Advance Wars style mechanics. I pointed it out to him, saying “Hey Russ, what do you think of this game?” To which he came over to take a look, prompting everyone else to look at it as well. Most of the family seemed interested in it as well, although a bit daunted by the sheer amount of pieces and mechanics, but I assured them that I would help them through it, as I was a big time strategy expert. Everybody seemed to doubt that at first, looking at me sideways and giggling slightly, but when they saw the look of pure determination and unflinchingness on my face, they quickly shut up and went along with buying the game. We walked up towards the register and I paid an eye watering $110 for it, before we then went back out into the travel car to begin eating our dinner. We ate our food and talked for a while, happier than we were before, as we let the tensions flow out over some wine and food. I was then gonna consider leaving the rest stop and continuing to head to Oregon, but then my little sister piped up with a suggestion “Erin, you seem stressed! I think it’s best we play a round of that board game first!” To which I smiled, replying to her “good idea, pull out the folding tables in the back seat and I’ll hop back there with you.” I then pulled the keys out of the ignition, being sure to leave the A/C & Tape Player on, as I hopped out of the driver seat and into the eating area of the massive van. It was here that another gap in my memory happened, as I then remember that we were playing this complex age of empires style war game, in which I was the Spartans, my sister was the Athenians, my older brother was the Canaanites, and my partner was the Israelites. I generally was really good at managing my army and considering resources, but also was not the best in regards to my spending or meta knowledge; conversely, my brother and partner were the best as far as meta and game sense, and they were using their superior age of empire/civilization skills to kick my butt. My sister, on the other hand, was a super easy target, as she tended to buy the most expensive and powerful looking units, or spam cheap units when panicked in order to bodyblock me, yet she did not consider much about the deeper mechanics like money or structures and how they would affect her efficiency. Thusly, I tended to mainly go after my sister to annex her as quickly as possible and gain access to her food and metal for my army, whilst my partner tried to stack up a massive Trojan horse army and death ball in order to destroy me and my brother’s massive capital cities. I had quite a bit of trouble fending off my cities though, and I ended up losing many an arcane wizard and armored horse as I fought against the siege weapons my partner would barrage me with. This led to me being weak and ill-prepared after I had annexed my sister, as while I had taken half of the map and had the resource advantage, I still could not resist the assault of my Partner/Brother’s superior army numbers, as they had not been as aggressive with conquering a specific target as I had. I began to make a desperate last stand, fighting off both of their armies with all that I had, but before long, my brother pulled an “empress assassination card” and had sacked my capital, stealing alll of my army and resources. I then sat out the match, smoking a cigarette out the window as I spectated the game between them. They seemed to be stuck in a deadlock, fighting over opposite quadrants of the checkerboard map using the most powerful units of the game. I was excited to see the rest of the match conclude, but before it could, my brother then decided to forfeit so he could drive. I then got mad that he would kill the tension and the epic match, so I decided to hop into the storage bay of the van and lock myself inside. I started eating alone inside a massive dog cage, angrily grumbling and crying to myself as I devoured one half of the rotisserie chicken and went through a half bottle of jack daniels. I mumbled to myself as a form of therapy, ranting to an invisible therapist as I started to cry and PMS alone in the back of the vehicle. I’m not sure how long this went on for, but eventually I heard a voice say “Welcome to OREGON!” From the front seat, as cheers were heard from every passenger. This caused me to cry and rant even harder, thinking about how I had failed them, and just ended up proving the point of every misogynist in my family who said I could “never be a leader.” I was inconsolable, nearly on the verge of beginning to lose my psyche, when I then heard the trunk door open and then I saw a bright emerald flash of light engulf my vision. My mind then started to grow fuzzy as I woke up from my dream. FIN. I awoke in a sad mood today, crying and hormonal, and also starving in my bed. I awoke very grumpy and hormonal at first, having a desire to be a total dictatrix and go on a power trip, as a result of the insubordination and infantilization I had experienced within the dream. Other than that, I awoke otherwise healthy besides a few allergies and a little bit of breast pain.
This dream is rich with imagery and emotional depth, indicating the complexities of your feelings about leadership, family dynamics, and personal identity. Let's break down the key elements and themes.
You take on the role of a "leader" or caregiver, which illustrates your sense of responsibility. Yet, this role seems to weigh heavily on you. The expectations from your family bring out feelings of frustration and agitation, highlighting the tension between your desires and the demands placed upon you. Here, we see the emergence of conflict:
Your outburst serves as a turning point in the dream, where you assert your authority. This anger, though initially jarring, illustrates a fundamental need for boundaries in your relationships. When you eventually buy the food, including items for yourself — the “leader tax” — it implies a deeper desire to reward yourself for the burdens you've carried. It’s a representation of not only fulfilling others’ demands but also recognizing your own needs.
The move to the board game store is significant. It encapsulates teamwork but also the strategic nature of relationships within your family. The dynamics of playing a strategy game reflect your real-life interplays with them — the competitive edge, the need to outmaneuver others, and the level of cooperation required to find common ground.
The dream reaches an emotional peak with the feeling of isolation after your brother forfeits the game. You retreat into a metaphorical “dog cage,” signifying a sense of entrapment or feeling misunderstood. This space of feeding on your frustrations and using substances in the dream symbolizes a coping mechanism to deal with your feelings of inadequacy and despair when facing familial judgment.
The bright emerald flash upon the declaration of arriving at Oregon symbolizes hope and transformation. Yet, your reaction — the increasing intensity of sadness — indicates your fear of failing societal expectations, particularly regarding leadership and acceptance. This is a powerful statement about self-identity and the pressure you feel to succeed, amplified by family dynamics.
This dream reveals a significant amount about your perception of leadership, familial roles, and emotional resilience. The grumpiness and hormonal state upon waking may be a manifestation of the emotional exhaustion from the conflict depicted in your dreams. It suggests a need for self-care and nurturing, perhaps reconsidering how you impose responsibilities on yourself.
Consider this dream as a prompt to reflect upon your relationships and how you assert your needs within family dynamics. It may also signal a need for boundaries and self-compassion as you navigate personal and communal responsibilities. Exploring ways to communicate with your family about personal needs and asserting your role in a healthy manner could be beneficial moving forward.